I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
