so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize