I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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