When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
