It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
