Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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