in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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