So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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