I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
