meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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