Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize