Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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