its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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