I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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