Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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