M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how drunk are you?
Several
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
