dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
