that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
