We won't sleep together?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
