I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
