every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
