yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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