My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A+ Viking dick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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