Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
