shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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