I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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