it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
