why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
