why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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