After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
