Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize