I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
