Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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