Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
