when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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