this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
