She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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