So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
