Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
