if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
