Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
