I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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