I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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