You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
