I'm gonna have a badass scar
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
