At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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