now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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