i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
