I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
