i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
