I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
