the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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