Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
