You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
