I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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