I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I see more hoeing in ur future
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