is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
now i know why i became what i already was.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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