My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
