I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
