They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
