The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize