I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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