Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
