At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
