i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
