Me too!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
