Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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