Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
