Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
