i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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