On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize