I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
