Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God, I missed his penis.
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