thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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