My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
