Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
