come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
