where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
don't judge my taste in strippers
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
