Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
NoShamevember. You game?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
