Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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