Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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