trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
