He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
