The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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