I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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