Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
