you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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