and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
