The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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