The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize