I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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