If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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