no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
