need another drink. this is the easiest way
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
