uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
