hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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