apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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