I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
