She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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