And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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