There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
