Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
