just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
