she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
