It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize