I hate all girls vehemently.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
