Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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