This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
